Men, women, and polarity

The following is an essay I posted elsewhere, reproduced here for continuity, ease of access, and as a part of a series of essays I intent to author regarding the concept of polarity and how it manifests itself in our paradigm.


Okay, I’m going to articulate a notion of mine that has been brewing in my head for quite some time now. It has to do with the essence of masculinity, the essence of femininity, and how they fit into the “yin/yang” model that seems to define reality as a whole – the idea of counterbalance and every force depending on an equal and opposite force for stability.

Two of the most compelling, engrossing, engaging, and addicting vices that grip society as a whole are sports and pornography, the former being the quintessential expression of competition, the other being the quintessintial expression of unity and social consummation.

I have concluded that sports and pornography are expressions of equal but opposite social complusions. As humans, we ultimately have two social alternatives… to impose our will on people or to capitulate our will to others. Sports is nothing if not an exercise in the former. Sex is nothing if not an exercise in the latter.

The essence of masculinity is domination and survival. This manifests itself with competitors essentially eliminating the competition. In other words, if at the end of a competition there is one person still standing, that person has essentially defeated and *vanquished* all competitors. That’s why competitive endeavors such as UFC, NFL, etc. are largely the province of men. It is the ultimate, unvarnished act of competition on display. Women do sometimes get involved, but the men are the real draw.

The essence of femininity, on the other hand, is unity, nurturing, and reproduction. This manifests itself in some interesting ways. For example, heterosexual women (and girls) are routinely physically affectionate (sometimes even sexual) with each other, without it being relevant to their sexuality. Also, women tend to take on professionals as care providers, teachers, and babysitters more frequently than men. That’s why pornography is largely the province of women – it is the ultimate, unvarnished act of “unity” on full display. Yes, men get involved, but women are the real draw.

Just as magnetic poles operate, so do humans.

If you put two like poles together, they repel. This is absolutely natural, and unquestioned. This is analagous to competition (and by extension sports, which is competition on display). There cannot be two winners. There can only be one winner. The amount of losers is irrelevant… only one person wins. It is the ultimate act of “standing alone”, in which the dominant figure denies the submissive figure access to the will of the dominant figure’s being and instead imposes his or her own access to the being of the submissive figure against that figure’s wishes. This is why winning in sports feels so good, and losing feels so bad. This is what is referred to as “The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.” You will never see a competitor express a desire to share their victory with another competitor. Being the sole victor, at the expense of the interest of all other parties involved, is paramount in this polarity.

If you put two opposite poles together, they attract. Again, this is natural and unquestioned. This is analagous to sex (and by extension, porn – which is sex on display). Sex is not possible alone (notwithstanding masturbation, which is merely self-simulated sex). It must involve two or more people, all of whom are in agreement and willing to consummate this agreement. It is the ultimate act of “coming together” – an ultimate act of unity in which each has full access to the other’s body. This is why ALL figures in sexual activity are gratified. There are no losers – everyone wins during sex. You will never see a sexual partner express a desire for their partner to not be as gratified as they are. Gratification for all, at the expense of none, is paramount in this polarity.

It seems clear that sports are an expression of the ultimate “like poles” dynamic and that sex is and expression of the ultimate “opposite poles” dynamic. And the former is of the “masculine” essence (which is why it is male-dominated), which the latter is of the “feminine” essence (which is why it is female dominated).

Let’s face it… when we think of sports, we think of men. When we think of sex, we think of women. Can any honest person suggest otherwise?